Coke Is the New Marlboro

Coming soon to a TV screen near you:  more guilt-ridden, shame-inducing PSA's, this time about soft drinks.  I can see it now.  The American Academy of Family Physicians has cut a sponsorship deal with Coca-Cola, prompting an outcry from other doctors - emphasis mine:

"Coca-Cola, like other sodas, causes enormous suffering and premature death by increasing the risks of obesity, diabetes, heart attacks, gout and cavities," Harvard University nutrition expert Dr. Walter Willett said in an e-mail. . . .

Dr. William Walker, public health officer for Contra Costa County near San Francisco, likened the alliance with ads decades ago in which physicians said mild cigarettes were safe.

*Yawn.*

Guess what, kids:  every fucking thing you put in your mouth kills you, sooner or later.  The minute you are born, you start to die.  There is no escape.  You are doomed from the moment you are conceived.

And even if you do everything "right," there is still no guarantee whatsofuckingever that you will still be drawing a breath sixty seconds from now:  there's always the unforeseen accident or malice waiting to pounce, lurking for you around the next corner.

So my philosophy is, you better damn well enjoy your life while you have it.  I'm sticking with my Marlboros and Diet Cokes.  They make me happy.  I'm not hurting you one bit.  What's your happy vice?  Everybody has one, and I do mean everybody.

The desire for purity is one of the greatest vices of all - it's just so freaking delicious when you get to control what other people do, isn't it?  Tell the truth.