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Sunday, May 16, 2010

Help for You Homos

Dear friend, have you been impacted by same-sex attraction issues?

Are you struggling with homosexuality?*

Do you think God doesn't want an abomination like you in church?

Do you secretly yearn to be married indissolubly to a nice, wholesome, middle-aged lady who reminds you of your mother, and have two-and-a-half kids, a picket fence, and musty-damp control-top desert-tan pantyhose draped across the shower rod every blessed morning of the rest of your life?

Well, brother, in that case get your faggot ass down to West Texas because Stonegate Fellowship, a "plant" of the Southern Baptist Church in Midland, Texas - hometown of that great American patriot, President George W. Bush - has got a real hope for you:  be a Christian, not a cocksucker

Golly gee, fellas, wouldn't that be swell?  You too can be a practicing heterosexual just like George Rekers Ted Haggard Larry Craig dear old Mom and Dad.

Cruise on over to Rob Tisinai's blog and catch the video now.  Be sure to read Rob's dead-on-target analysis of it while you're there.

Oh, and take a barf bag with you.  I'm just saying.

P.S. - My late husband, a native Texan himself, used to say the reason they call West Texas "God's Country" is because nobody else wants it.

* - It may be you're just not doing it right.  If unsure, call your Head Trucker for expert mentoring and, um, guidance.  Special rate for regular Blue Truck readers . . . group discounts also available.


Doorman-Priest said...

I was with you until the picket fence. Is that part of the deal because I don't have one?

Russ Manley said...

That's part of the standard option package, but we can subsitute power windows and a CD player if you prefer.

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