German Penguins Violate Natural Law

Papa Z and Daddy V shamelessly flaunting their

unnatural lifestyle in front of God and everybody

. . . and they are proud as punch, too. The two male Humboldt penguins, named Vielpunkt and Z (yeah, just Z . . . how cool is that), have hatched their first egg together, one that was abandoned by a morally-correct, traditional-values female who couldn't be bothered with the job. (I heard she was just a slut, btw.)

V and Z, on the other hand, despite the shame of (horrors!) succumbing to their disordered appetites - and they are one of three gay couples at the Bremerhaven Zoo - are being, like the greatest dads ever: "Since the chick arrived, they have been behaving just as you would expect a heterosexual couple to do," the zoo said in a statement. One or the other guards the chick at all times, and both take turns with the round-the-clock feeding of pre-chewed fish mash to the little bundle of joy.

Guess he or she is still a bit young for herring snacks. Zookeepers won't know the chick's gender identity until its a little older and can be separated from its dads for inspection.

Penguin gaiety is getting to be quite the thing all around the world, it seems. Another famous couple is Roy and Silo at the Central Park Zoo in New York City, who famously hatched and raised little Tango. And just last year, another pair of penguin dads were even given a wedding by their keepers at the Polar Land Zoo in Harbin, China.

OMG, is penguin perversity spreading all around the world? Don't they know what they are doing is like, totally unnatural? Why don't they follow the sacred teachings of the church, repent and live a normal life, like the Bible commands? No doubt God's pissed as hell about it too: just wait and see, a hurricane will probably strike Bremerhaven any time now.

Oh, and think of the children! The poor, innocent little penguin chicks, having to grow up in a same-sex household, without proper role models. How will they ever learn to be normal adults with that kind of upbringing!

I bet Deacon Fournier and all his ilk will be crying in their hankies when they read this story. Gee, ain't that a shame?