Long-Term Couple: Elliott and Clark's Story

Two Alabama boys from my generation found each other in college back in the early 70's and have managed to survive and thrive together for the last 53 years, ending up as wealthy property developers in Northwest Florida.  A lovely story.

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Darkness in Dixie

Click to enlarge.

Long-time readers of this blog will know that your Head Trucker is a Southerner through and through - a modern Southerner, that is, with an education, and respect for the dignity of every human being.  I do not, however, take those sublime words of the Prayer Book to mean that one should indulge every folly or countenance outright wickedness:  rather, I believe they mean that sometimes one should oppose such things with unflinching vigor, wherever they are found.

There is much to love about the South - a green and pleasant land blessed, for the most part, with a warm and sunny climate, lush with trees and verdant fields, and every sort of vegetation.  The camellias were blooming a month ago down here - now the azaleas are shining out, and will very soon be followed by redbuds, dogwood, wisteria, mimosas, magnolias, crepe myrtles, roses, and every other lovely jewel of nature, while our friends in the frozen North are still bundling about in heavy coats and keeping their snow shovels at the ready.  A pity, that.

We also enjoy our somewhat slower pace of life, which affords us time to say hello and please and thank you to complete strangers, and time to savor the pleasures of a well-set table, laden with all the delicacies and delights of Southern cookery, than which there is no finer.  You must admit, we do some things very well indeed:  a region that has given the world fried chicken, barbecue, Coca-Cola, and rock 'n' roll can't be all bad, can it?  The past is prologue, to be sure, but the present is given us to improve upon it.

We Southerners sometimes like to exaggerate our Southerness for effect, if only because it makes the snooty, self-righteous Yankees cringe.  We may have our flaws, it's true - but y'all have yours, too, which you conveniently ignore when you stereotype us all as ignorant hicks, as you do incessantly in public and in private.  Come on now, you know you do.  I've heard you when you thought nobody was listening.  But the truth is, there are backwaters of place and thought in all parts of the country, North and South, city and country, where the light of reason shines but dimly through the miasma of bigotry and backwardness, and no section has a monopoly on righteousness.

But I take it all in sport, and try always to keep in mind that no matter where we happened to be born, luckily or not, we are Americans all, and brothers under the skin - equal heirs to the ringing words of "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness," with which a certain Southerner astonished the world many long years ago, a promise which still resounds in the hearts of free peoples around the world, and those who yearn to be free.

And the South has grown up and moved on from the days of legal segregation, which was still very much in force in my childhood, as I remember vividly.  Until recent years, I thought we had gotten past all that, learning to live and let live.  But of course the progress of the human race is never in a completely straight, smooth line, but proceeds by fits and starts, now inclining a little this way, then a little that way, and sometimes a step or two backwards before finally advancing upwards.

Your Head Trucker is a great believer in the via media, the middle way, avoiding the unwholesome extremes of the right or the left.  Not only are they perilous, but it is certain that any extreme tendency in one direction will provoke an equal and opposite reaction in the other direction.  In the very recent past, and up to the present moment, we Americans have seen this principle very clearly displayed in politics and society, in ways too obvious to need explanation.

There is also a deeply embedded tendency in our human nature that seeks a scapegoat for every ill - something or better yet someone to blame when things do not go the way we would like - anyone will do, in fact, as long as it is not us!  This lamentable facet of human nature - a leftover from an early stage of child development - can be eradicated by education, empathy, and most of all, a close, unflinching examination of one's own soul.

Perhaps this is why them ol' Greek boys, pretty smart fellas, inscribed as the first principle of wisdom on the temple of Apollo - the god of wisdom - the admonition, "Know Thyself."

The second was, "Moderation in All Things."  How much suffering and sorrow the human race would have avoided down through the centuries if only these two golden maxims had been heeded!

And still, in the dark regions of the earth, and worse yet, in the dark corners of the mind, do fear and ignorance, in their perpetual infernal coupling, breed hatred, violence, and misery, a poisonous brew that can even conjure up ghastly shades from the nether regions of the past.

My readers will have no doubt already heard of the egregious outpourings of one sick, sad, twisted old man, the 80-year-old editor of a newspaper in tiny (pop. 2,000) Linden, Alabama, near Demopolis, about a hundred miles west of Montgomery.  This sorry specimen of benighted humanity, who obviously has outlived his purpose for being on this earth, in a fit of venomous spite, utter ignorance of history, and contempt for all morality, has actually called in print for the revival of lynching and murder that left such a dark stain on the pages of Southern history.

I will not give him the dignity of even mentioning his name here.  I say only that as a Southerner born and bred - the scion of a long line of Southerners stretching back to the early days of this country - I condemn him and his filthy words absolutely.  There is no place in the South, or in America, for that kind of hatred and incitement to violence - and in my view, there should be no defense for it under the principles of free speech or freedom of the press.  Liberty is not license.

I don't know anyone who would countenance his vile thoughts, and I do not for a moment believe that my parents, grandparents, or any other of my kin, if they were still living, would do so, either.  Decent people never have.  And never should.

That revoltingly ignorant hick should retire forthwith from publishing, and his paper close its doors.  I can only hope an outraged citizenry, even in the depths of Alabama, will see to that, by legal and peaceful means.


Update, 7:30 p.m.:   It seems most Linden residents have already stopped reading the local rag, according to this New York Times story.

Fifty Years Ago: Bloody Sunday

An excerpt from the PBS documentary Eyes on the Prize (1987) summarizes the Selma-Montgomery march, a landmark in the civil rights movement, which occurred fifty years ago today:




Sadly, we are still waiting for liberty and justice for all in the Heart of Dixie - but surely they will come, before too long.

But you know, human beings are funny creatures - everyone wants liberation and happiness for their group, but even when they get it that doesn't necessarily translate into support for other groups. Here's a letter from a black Alabama pastor who declares his vehement opposition to gay marriage, which he calls "not a civil right but a right to sin."


Update, 6:55 p.m.: Today, President Obama flew to Selma to commemorate the march, reminding us that "our work is never done" in advancing civil rights - there's a shout-out to the gays in here:




And at the height of the President's dramatic speech, he expatiates on "who Americans are" - this is a speech for the ages, and I defy any of my truckbuddies to listen to this part, beginning at the 5:30 mark, without a tear in their eyes. Yes, he includes the gays again, but it's about much more than that:




Full text of the President's remarks here.

Alabama Supreme Court Halts Same-Sex Marriages

Last night, in a 7-1 ruling, the Alabama Supreme Court forbade probate judges in that state from issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples, citing as precedent Alabama laws dating back to 1823. There's nothing wrong with examining historical precedent - but enlightened minds have progressed a little further since then. WIAT in Birmingham reports:




Freedom to Marry summarizes the legal implications of the Court's ruling:

What does the Alabama Supreme Court ruling do?
•The Alabama Supreme Court has ordered four probate judges - Jefferson County's Alan L. King (Jefferson County), Chilton County's Robert M. Martin, Madison County's Tommy Ragland, and Montgomery County's Steven L. Reed to immediately stop issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples
•62 other probate judges in Alabama - all except for Mobile probate judge Don Davis, who was specifically enjoined from enforcing Alabama's marriage ban by federal court order - are temporarily orderd to stop issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples. Each judge has five days to respond explaining why they should be issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples.
•Judge Davis of Mobile is ordered to file a response by Thursday explaining whether he believes the federal court order requires him to issue marriage licenses to any same-sex couples besides the four couples involved in the Strawser case, brought by same-sex couples and the National Center for Lesbian Rights

What DOESN'T the Alabama Supreme Court ruling do?
•The Alabama Supreme Court ruling does NOT call into question the hundreds of marriage licenses that have been issued in Alabama since February 9, 2015. These couples are married - and their marriage licenses are valid. The state must respect these licenses issued under guidance from a federal judge, from the 11th Circuit Court of Appeals, and from the United States Supreme Court.
•The ruling is NOT a permanent decision, but rather a last-ditch attempt to delay the freedom to marry. It is a temporary, unnecessary pause that does nothing but damage the thousands of same-sex couples and their families in the state of Alabama.
•Above all, the ruling does NOT mean that the fight for the freedom to marry in Alabama is over. We will continue fighting - we must continue fighting - to show not only other federal judges that the Alabama Supreme Court is on the wrong side of history, but also the United States Supreme Court that Alabama is READY for the freedom to marry once and for all.

Full text of the ruling here.

The ruling runs on at great length about marriage being for procreation; yet even as it does so, the animus of the Court is patently obvious. I have a cousin who was raised a few miles from the Alabama line. She is now nearly 70 and has been married three times. She has never had any children, and never wanted to. Yet the oh-so-Christian people of the Southland don't blink an eye at her right to marry, or to marry as many times as she pleases.

On the other side of my family, I have another cousin who is a widow, her husband having died several years ago just after their 50th wedding anniversary. They did have children, and now grandchildren. But she is long past the age of childbearing - yet, if she took a notion to marry again, the good Christian people of her community would not bat an eyelash.

Your Head Trucker is actually a bit tired of hearing about gay marriage now, after all this long time of debate and controversy - but I'm even more tired of being told, in acts if not in words, Go to hell, you dirty faggot, we don't want your kind around here.

Aren't you?

Marriage News Watch, 2/23/15

Matt Baume of the American Foundation for Equal Rights reports:

Marriage News Watch, 2/16/15

Matt Baume of the American Foundation for Equal Rights reports:

Marrying in Alabama

Freedom to Marry has made this video report of happy newlyweds in the Heart of Dixie, where 51 of 67 counties are now issuing licenses to same-sex couples:




On the other hand, street preacher Cedric Hatcher told the Birmingham City Council on Tuesday that big-footed men have no business getting hitched:

To me yesterday was one of the most bizarre scenes I've ever seen in the city. It was one of the most comedic scenes I've ever seen in public when I witnessed men with size 13 and 14 shoes out there kissing each other in the mouth in front of little kids. It was like a freak scene going on, that's what I call it.

And then there's this outburst from the boys in white: "The fudge packers from Hollywood and all major news networks are in shock that the good people from the heart of Dixie are resisting their Imperialist, Communist Homosexual agenda!”

KKK issues “call to arms” over Alabama same-sex marriage ruling

Marriage News Watch, 2/9/15

Matt Baume of the American Foundation for Equal Rights reports:




Despite Matt's drama-queen talk of federal troopers swooping in to crush the Alabama rebels, this morning's news from the Heart of Dixie is much less dramatic:

Same-sex couples marry in Alabama after U.S. Supreme Court refuses stay

Text of Supreme Court order denying stay of Alabama marriages

Same-sex couples marry in some Alabama counties: Live updates from across the state

Updated marriage map from Wikipedia; click here for legend.

Update, 12:45 p.m.: Alabama Governor Robert Bentley has issued a statement:

I am disappointed that a single Federal court judge disregarded the vote of the Alabama people to define marriage as between a man and woman. . . .

This issue has created confusion with conflicting direction for Probate Judges in Alabama. Probate Judges have a unique responsibility in our state, and I support them. I will not take any action against Probate Judges, which would only serve to further complicate this issue.

We will follow the rule of law in Alabama, and allow the issue of same sex marriage to be worked out through the proper legal channels.

Marriage News Watch, 1/26/15

Matt Baume of the American Foundation for Equal Rights reports:




Update:  In response to the state's plea, U. S. District Judge Callie Granade yesterday issued a 14-day stay of her ruling striking down Alabama's anti-gay marriage ban; unless the Eleventh Circuit extends the stay on appeal by the state, marriage will be legal in Alabama on February 9th.  Full text of the ruling here.

Alabama Gains Marriage Equality

Updated marriage map of the United States from Wikipedia.
Click here for legend.

Can you believe it?  The Washington Blade reports:

A federal judge in Alabama has become the latest to strike down a state ban on same-sex marriage, ruling against the Yellowhammer State’s prohibition on gay nuptials on the basis that it violates the Fourteenth Amendment. In a 10-page decision on Friday, U.S. District Judge Callie V.S. Granade, an appointee of George W. Bush, issued summary judgement in favor of a plaintiff same-sex couple, finding Alabama marriage laws violate the couple’s right to due process and equal protection under the U.S. Constitution. “There has been no evidence presented that these marriage laws have any effect on the choices of couples to have or raise children, whether they are same-sex couples or opposite-sex couples,” Granade writes. “In sum, the laws in question are an irrational way of promoting biological relationships in Alabama.”

Judge Granade, appointed to the bench by George W. Bush in 2002, did not stay her ruling, which struck down both the anti-gay Alabama statute and constitutional amendment as being violations of the Due Process and Equal Protection clauses of the Fourteenth Amendment of the U. S. Constitution. Full text of the ruling here.

Luther Strange, the Alabama Attorney General, has announced through a spokesman that he will appeal the ruling.

Why Marriage Matters

A lovely video from Freedom to Marry featuring two Alabama moms, Jessica and Chi, who want the protections of marriage for themselves and their daughter:

Virginia Foster Durr: A White Champion for Southern Blacks

Virginia Foster Durr and Rosa Parks

Your Head Trucker once had the privilege to get a glimpse of a great civil rights champion whose name ought to be more famous than it is:  Virginia Foster Durr.

Back in the mid-1980's when I was dating a smart, sexy redheaded guy in Montgomery, we went to the Alabama Shakespeare Festival a few times to catch some plays.  On one of those occasions, as we were walking through the parking lot towards the theater building, he nudged me and said, "Look, that's Virginia Durr."  I turned and saw a very small, white-haired lady conversing animatedly with a friend as they strolled up to the entrance. 

No, I didn't go say hello or ask for an autograph or anything; I'm not that pushy.  Still, it was a memorable moment actually to see someone who, with her attorney husband, had figured so prominently in the civil rights struggle in Alabama.  Among other things, they are the ones who went and bailed Rosa Parks out of jail after her famous refusal to move to the back of the bus in 1955, and he represented her in court.

Well, while sitting here tonight waiting for my supper to cook, I was surfing around here and there, and came across the wonderful oral history interview she gave in 1975, now available through the awesome Documenting the American South online history collection from the University of North Carolina.  Tons of great reading there, if you like history.  Lots of stuff that ought to be required reading in school.

In particular, the extensive Durr interview is fascinating, and I hope some of my truckbuddies will dip into it.  Here I want to present just a little excerpt that illustrates what I was saying in my post the other day about how white Southerners felt about the blacks in their midst.  This excerpt and its continuation are about an incident in 1910, when Durr was a girl of 7, living on her wealthy grandmother's plantation in rural Alabama; but the racial attitudes illustrated by the story were still very much in operation fifty years later, when I was coming up.  Notice the part about venereal disease, which is something I was told, too, in all seriousness.

This time, I was seven years old and I was going to school the next fall. I always had my birthday in the back yard with the black children and we would have barbeque and they would let us barbeque over a little pit that they would dig for us. So, this time, my mother and grandmother and aunts and all said that I had to have it in the front yard and with just the white children, no black children could come to the party. Well, I got very angry about that and the main thing was that I wanted the barbeque. (laughter) You see, they would dig a pit in the back yard, which was sandy, and then the cook would give us chickens and we would build a grill over the hole and build a fire and then we were allowed to baste the chickens and turn them over and of course, by the time that we got through, they were full of sand, but to me, (this had been my usual birthday party) and to me, this was a great event. Here I was presiding over the chickens, you know. Well, anyway, I had a tantrum at breakfast and made strong protest about the party in the afternoon and no barbeque. So, they agreed that I could have the barbeque in the morning and the party in the afternoon. This was the compromise that they reached. . . .

Well, Elizabeth, Aunt May's daughter was there and Aunt May would bring a French maid with her when she came, if you can imagine. You can imagine how happy the French maid was. (laughter) Aunt May, as you could say, really put on airs. Anyway, Elizabeth was always dressed up in these beautiful dresses with sashes and everything matching and her hair curled . . . .

She was a little older than I was, about my sister's age. So, we had the barbeque and everything was going on fine and we were dividing up the chicken and one of the little black girls was tearing up the chicken and she offered a piece to Elizabeth and Elizabeth, who must have felt like an outcast in this group anyway, she all of a sudden said, "Don't you give me any chicken out of that black hand of yours. I'm not going to eat any chicken that your black hand has touched, you little nigger." . . .

Continued after the jump . . . .