French Gov't Nixes Wine

Drink up, the party's nearly over.

(Ad for Ballantine Ale, 1954)

As I've blogged about before, we live in an age where - just the opposite of 100 years ago - tobacco is demonized, but nobody thinks alcohol is such a big deal; it's good for you, drink up.

Well, all you non-smoking free-drinkers, don't be so smug. Your turn is coming, if the news from Europe is any indication.

The French are dismayed to find that their own government is telling them to cut out drinking wine - entirely. Naturellement, the population is finding that hard to swallow, but they did elect a teetotaler, after all: M. Sarkozy.

Yeah, that wine will kill you dead, says the French ministry of health, so lay off of it - not a drop. Studies show . . . what studies always show: just what the speaker wants to prove.

Hello? Am I the only one who has figured this out? Forget all those other studies that proved a little booze was good for ya; that's like so 15 minutes ago now. Get with the freaking program, bud. Straighten up. Fly right. And suck in that gut while you're at it.

More controversy is brewing across the Channel in England, where that government's chief medical officer wants to ban everyone under 15 from ever tasting a single drop of alcohol - not even having a glass of wine at home with your parents at the dinner table.

For the record, France currently has a conservative government, while Britain has a socialist one; so what does that tell you? The nicey-nice people come in all political flavors. And they are all fascist buttheads, no matter what party they belong to.

Well boys, whatever your favorite vice is, enjoy it while you can. I certainly intend to enjoy mine.

I plan to stay human just as long as it's legal. And then some. Because guess what, folks: we are all going to die one day. No matter what you do.