The Tale of the Two Lifeguards, Part II

A guest post by my truckbuddy Tim from England, now resident in Spain:

The Tale of the Two Lifeguards

Chapter Two

in which Piers is promoted, Christopher is dropped, 

and as for poor Polly . . .

Image by my good friend hi-host here on tumblr.  Thanks, Lenny.

Piers couldn't wait for the final ferry boat of the day to leave the little island of Tabarca.  At last he could pack up his lifeguarding bits and bobs from the big beach, the one that wasn't very big at all, and meet Captain Chris down at the little wooden pier . . .

A short while later, he was making sure his yellow rescue boat was securely moored, whilst keeping a watchful eye out for unwanted visitors.  He could hardly believe he'd met a merman, and such a handsome, friendly one.  And he could only imagine the fuss there would be if anyone else got to know.  They would probably try and capture Chris and examine him, or put him in an aquarium.  He shuddered at the idea; people could be so cruel, especially to creatures that were different.  For a moment he was lost so deep in his thoughts that he didn't notice the brown-haired head that rose silently alongside the boat.

Continued after the jump . . .


"Hello!"

"Oh, Chris!  You startled me!"

"I'm sorry, it seems to be coming something of a habit.  Ha!"

Piers looked around warily.  "I'm worried someone will see you.  If they do, they'll try and catch you."

"They'd have to be quick then." and with that Chris disappeared below the water, only to resurface the other side of the pier in a fraction of a second.  "See?"

"But what if they see your, um, your . . . er . . ."

"My tail?  Ha!  Don't worry, I'll keep it out of sight . . . for now." Chris added mysteriously.  "Did you give your parents the ring?"

"It's a ring, and yes, I did.  They didn't mind, I do stay over occasionally."

"With José and Anita?"

"Yes, that's right.  You remembered their names?"

"Of course, they're my . . . I mean I know of them." Chris quickly corrected himself.

"You do?  But how?"

"Oh, I see and hear things you know."

"What things?  You're being very mysterious today."

"Says the man with two legs."

"That's normal!"

"Not from where I'm treading water."

"Heh, heh!  You are funny."

"You shouldn't laugh at a Captain of the King's Lifeguards."  Chris drew himself up from the water, and puffed out his already impressive chest.  He could be a little bit pompous, or a lot, depending upon the situation.

Piers blushed, it was a lovely sight.  "Oh dear, I'm sorry Sir." Piers saluted.  "You are very handsome as well."

"Oh, do you think so?"

"Oh yes, every inch a Captain."

Chris swaggered a little then, not at all an easy thing when you're stood on your tail and up to your waist in water, but he managed to do it, with, um, a swagger.  He pointed proudly to the green seaweed that was bound tightly around his left shoulder.

"This denotes my rank.  Green is for Captains.  Only the greenest green Neptune Grass will do.  I pick it fresh every morning."

"Green suits you, and it matches the end of your tail beautifully."

"Oh, does it?  I can't say I'd noticed?" said Chris carelessly, although of course he had noticed.  And purposely, not carelessly at all.  The end of Chris' tail popped out of the water so he could pretend to compare the two.  "Why, so it does!  You have good eyesight young Piers."

"Thank you, Captain."  Piers blushed, he wasn't used to compliments . . . especially from a handsome Merman Captain, or any Merman come to that.

"Your piece of fishing net is, er, different.  It adds a, a personal touch." said Piers, trying hard to return the compliment.

"Oh, it's purely functional, for the purposes of camouflage." Chris replied nonchalantly.

Piers stifled a giggle.  Captain Chris' way of military speaking was very amusing.  "Um, it doesn't seem to hide much.  I can still see you underneath it.  A lot of you, actually."

"I'm not camouflaged now silly!  I use it to tie bits of different colored seaweeds and other camouflagey things onto.  Then, I'm camouflaged.  Why, don't you like it?"  Chris sounded a little hurt.

"NO!  It's, er, lovely!  It shows off your, erm.  I mean your, uh, peep through nicely."

"Do they?" Chris peered down out of curiosity at his chest.  "I'd not noticed particularly." he said in his casual, carefree way again.

"I had." mumbled the young Lifeguard as Chris turned, first left, then right, to get a better view.  "Oh dear, is it me or is it getting suddenly hotter?" said Piers, who was blushing a lot now.

"Are you alright?  You've gone as red as a Starfish."

"It's the um, the er, the temperature, yes, that's what it is.  I need to cool down."

With that, Chris slapped his blue and green tail down hard.  Splash!  Sending a shower of sparkling seawater all over Piers.  "That will help you cool down.  Ha, ha, ha!"

Piers kicked his feet in the water and splashed Chris back.  "Heh, heh, heh!"

"Oh, you want a water fight, do you?  I'm the King's champion, you won't beat me!" said Chris, sploshing Piers this time and soaking him once again.  Splosh!

"I give in, I give in!" laughed Piers, gaily.  "Your tail is much bigger than my feet!"

"And quicker!"

"Um, you mentioned the King by the way.  Which one?" asked Piers curiously.

"Why, the King of Atlantis of course."

"Atlantis!  But that's a myth, surely?"

"Not the last time I saw it."

"Gosh!  But where is it?  How do you keep it hidden?  I've got so many questions . . ."

"Later perhaps Piers.  Some things have to remain a military secret.  You do understand?"

"Of course, Captain, I won't say anything, you can trust me."

"Ha!  That's what I thought.  I thought, he's got nice eyes and a nice smile, I can trust him, so I have."

"I'm honored."

"Not yet."

"Pardon?  What do you mean?"

"I mean I haven't done it yet.  Anyway, are you ready for our swim?  There's no one else around.  The sea is quiet just now."

"How . . . ?"

"I can hear it, and feel it, through my body as well as my ears.  Come on Piers, there's no time like the present!"

"Yes Captain."

"Ha!  That's the exact right answer.  Do you have a rank by the way?"

"Er, no, we're just called Lifeguards, er, Junior or Senior Grade, depending on age and experience.  This year I'm a Senior."

"Hmm, I'll make you my Lieutenant then.  You've got to have a rank."

"Do I?  What for?"

"All in good time Piers, you are such an inquisitive fellow.  That's a good thing mind, I need someone like you by my side.  But for now, let's just go exploring."

"Oh yes please, and thank you so much for the rank.  Will I get to wear some Neptune Grass too?"

"Of course.  Lieutenants wear yellow grass.  Let's go and get some!"

Now, whilst all this was happening you may have wondered where the three seagulls, Ab, Ba and Cuss were.  (and the fourth one, Polly, who thought she was a parrot, remember?)

Well Ab and Ba were both busy gleaning on the big (little) beach.  The day trippers always left plenty of interesting snacks and tidbits behind for them to find.  Bits of sandwiches, tids of crisps.  Half eaten ice cream cones, cigarette ends and such.  "Ka, Ka, Ka!"

Cuss was busy too.  He preferred to search the garbage bins behind the cafes and restaurants.  Sometimes he had to fight with the cats that infested tiny Tabarca, and there were a lot!  But a sharp peck with an equally sharp beak and a few well-chosen swear words always won out.  "K**, K**, K**!"

Polly preferred to waddle alone along the seashore, looking for dead fish and crabs washed in with the tide.  That way she could also see if her ship had come in.  Poor thing, she had a long, long wait in store.  "Awwk!  Pieces of eight!"

Piers slipped into the water and was greeted with a kiss of air from Chris.  The Captain took hold-of Piers in one strong arm and with a flick of his powerful tail, they set off together.  Faster than Piers could ever have managed swimming on his own, faster even than his little yellow boat.  They headed far out to where the sea grasses grew and flowered.  Piers knew they were there, for he had sometimes seen pieces of the green and brown sea weed washed up after summer storms.  But he'd never actually seen the meadows themselves.  Soon they were in front of him, stretching far out in the distance.

"Posidonia Oceanica!" he cried out excitedly, in a big speech bubble.

"That's easy for you to say." said Chris, grinning.  He wasn't very good at big words.

"Not underwater!" replied Piers in a string of small bubbles this time.  He was still trying to get the hang of this underwater talking business whilst not running out of air.  He didn't think he was doing very well.  He pointed to his lips.  Chris obliged.  Piers pointed again, hoping for a kiss this time, but the Captain only laughed. "I need some air too you know!" he said.  Piers pouted, but he didn't have to wait for long.

"How far does the meadow go?" he asked, fascinated by the sight before him.

"Oh, about 2 leagues."

"That's over ten kilometers!  It's huge!"

"Is it?  There are bigger ones, further out in the sea.  But this one is mine, well it's the King's, but I look after it for him.  It's one of my duties.  Come on, let's find you some yellow Posi Do wotsit, or whatever you call it.  There should be some over that way."   Chris pointed to their left with one hand.  "It's not far, but first you need a kiss."

"For air?"

"No, we'll do that after . . . this is a kiss for a kiss . . . Mwaaah!"

It was a long, long kiss.  By the time Chris had finished, all Piers could manage to say was "Mwabble!"

"Ha, ha, ha!  Let's surface and you can recover properly, then we'll find your yellow sea grass."

"Gasp!  That's the longest I've been down." said Piers breathlessly as they popped their heads above the waves.

"You're getting better . . . ready?"

Piers took a deep breath.  "Ready Captain."

Once more, Chris took Piers in his arm and soon they were swimming low over the meadow.  The fronds of the sea grasses danced and waived in the current as they passed by.  Fish of all shapes and colors peered up in amazement.  It wasn't often Captain Christopher brought a guest, well never in fact.  Even the old Karkinos, the hermit crab, couldn't remember such a thing.  And he'd changed shells so many times he'd lost count.  Chris waived in friendly greeting as he swam overhead.  Karkinos waived a pincer in response.  "It's a sign." the hermit crab said to himself.  "Though what of I'm blessed if I know.  But it's got all the signs of being a sign, so it must be one."

Soon they arrived at a spot where the grasses were a golden yellow, the fronds rose tall and straight, in the dappled light filtering down from the surface.

"Oh, it's so beautiful!" said Piers in awe.

"Thank you, we try and keep it healthy.  You 'Legs' don't help, especially with your fishing boats.  They rip up the grasses with their nets, and they take so long to grow back.  Tens and tens of years."

"I know, I've studied them, at University.  Some meadows can be thousands of years old, even tens of thousands."

"University?"

"It's a place where people go to learn."

"Then you should learn to look after the sea.  We Merfolk have tended the meadows since Atlantis was flooded.  It's where the Monk Seals used to feed and frolic.  The fishing drove them away.  I'd like to see them come back, so would the King."

"And so would I.  That's what I s-study at the university, marine b-biology . . . b-brrr!"

"You're getting cold Piers.  It's time to go back.  We'll collect some yellow fronds together another day."  Chris took his friend in his arm again and struck out directly for Tabarca.  He didn't see the long, lean shape glide through the sea grass nearby.  Blue and green stripes on its back helped hide it in the dappled light of the meadow.  It was the perfect camouflage.  The large unblinking eyes watched the merman and the 'legs' leave.  The sickle shaped fin flicked, and the lean body shot forward, following silently behind them in the crystal clear, blue water.

Piers clung on tightly, grateful for the warmth of Chris' body.  They didn't speak, they were going too fast, but every so often Chris would broach the surface so that Piers could gulp down another one or two lungfuls of air.  It was so exhilarating, he wished it would never end.  But of course it did, and soon they were back at the little wooden pier.

"Th-thank you, that was w-wonderful." said Piers, trying to stop his teeth from chattering.  It was bad enough trying to hear, let alone speak, what with the noise of the seagulls, who had spied them returning, and now wheeled overhead. "How c-can I ever thank y-you?"

"Well, there is a way . . ."  Chris winked at him.  ". . . that you can return the favor."  He looked around furtively, to make sure no one else was about.  "Piers, will you carry me onto the dry land?"

"W-what!" exclaimed Piers.  "Are you s-sure?"

"Oh yes!  I've never felt my tail sit on solid, dry ground.  I've always wondered what it would feel like, to have legs.  I can't imagine.  Will it be like you feel being under water do you think?"

"Er, p-perhaps, and then again, perhaps n-not."

(Oh dear!  Piers doesn't sound at all sure that this is a good idea.  I'm not sure I do either.  What do you think?)

But Ab, Ba and Cuss were sure.  Very sure.  Sure they'd like a fish supper.  "Who shall have a fishy on a little dishy . . ." they all sang.  "Ka, Ka, Ka!"  "It will need to be a 'kin big dish for that hulking great brute." swore Cuss.  "K**, K**, K**!"

Chris, however, was in no mood to listen.  Not to Piers, nor to the seagulls.  "Look, if I pull myself up onto the pier like this . . ." Chris hauled himself up with his big strong arms. ". . . then you can lift me up and carry me from here."

"Are you really sure you want to do this Captain?"

"Consider it an order Lieutenant!"

"Alright then, one, two, three . . . heave!  G-gosh Captain, you are heavy!  Your tail is m-much b-bigger and h-h-heavier than I thought!  Gasp!"

"Wheee!" said Chris excitedly.  "Oh, I like this feeling.  Whooo!  It feels, um, what's the opposite feeling to wet Piers?"

"D-dry Captain?"

"Ah, yes, d-dry.  We don't have that under the sea.  Oh, careful, watch that step . . ."

"I can't see it, your tail's in the way . . . No!  Don't waggle it!  It's slippery!"

"Oh, er!  I don't like this so much now.  I feel land sick.  Keep hold of me Piers, and mind my lovely tail.  It loses scales easily!"

"Fish!  Big Man Fish!  Mine!" called out Ab hungrily, flying close above Chris and Piers' heads.

"Mine!"  said Cuss, who had landed right on top of Chris' head.  "I claim this fish-head Mine!" and with that he started pecking at Chris' brown hair.

"Mine!  He's mine you idiots!  Go away you silly birds!" shouted Piers angrily.

"Mine! No, mine!  Ka, Ka, Ka!  Ka, Ka, Ka!"

"I shed gosh awaysh!" said Piers through gritted teeth, struggling to keep hold of Chris now.

Ba could see what was going to happen.  She stood patiently on the ground, waiting for it to.

"Arghh!"  Piers face grimaced with the effort.  He could feel himself sweating, and his knees felt distinctly wobbly.

Chris looked down at the ground in alarm, waving his free arm around in fear.  The other arm was busy holding tight to Piers.  It was every Merman's nightmare to be stuck on d-dry land.

"Uh, oh!  Don't bend Piers, keep your back straight!  Don't drop me!  Nooooo!"

But it was too late.  The added weight of Cuss nesting atop Chris' head had proved too much for Piers.  Everyone spoke at once.

"Watch out below!"

"It's raining fish!"

"And seagulls!"

"Squawk!  Watch it!  K**, K**, K**!  I was just gettin' comfy up there!  'kin smelly Sea Wolf!"

"PIERS!!"

"Ooh, a fresh-fish take-away!"

"CAPTAIN!"

Man and merman both tumbled into the Mediterranean Sea.  Heads first, feet and tail last.

SPLASH!!  SPLOSH!!

"Who's a pretty boy now then?  Ka, Ka, Ka!  Ka, Ka, Ka!" 

Polly had watched it all unfold from her spot on the water where she'd been paddling.  It reminded her of a song she'd learnt a long, long time ago, on a big boat, in a faraway land, where the other parrots lived.  Now how did it go?  Oh yes . . . this was it.

"Fifteen men on a dead man's chest! With a Yo-Heave-Ho! and a fare-you-well.  And a sudden plunge in the sullen swell.  Ten fathoms deep on the road to hell, Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum!  Arrk! Phweeht Phoooh!"

(It was a jolly song, well, if you were a Pirate called Roger it would be.)

"Shut up you daft parrot!"

"Parrots can't paddle!"

"Pieces of eight!"

"Captain, Captain!  Are you all right?  Where are you?"

"Ka, Ka, Ka!"

"Be quiet!  All of you!  I can't hear with all this noise." Piers looked around in alarm.

"Splurg!  Gurgle!"

"Chris, is that you?"

"Glug, glug!" said a w-wet Captain

"Oh Dear, are you all right?  Heh, heh!"  Piers couldn't help himself laughing, Chris looked so bedraggled, bits of seaweed hung down damply from his brown hair, and a little fish was caught up in his fishing net.

"It's not funny!  I could have drowned!"

"No you couldn't."

"Don't quibble!" said Chris huffily, as he gently freed the little fish.

"But you’re a merman."

"That's not the point!"

"Yes it is!  Heh, heh, heh."

"Ha!  I suppose you're right."  Chris laughed too.  "Ha, ha, ha!  Oh well, there's no harm done."  Chris ruffled the little fish's head as he carefully released it. "Off you go rookie.  What the . . . ?"  He suddenly stopped mid-sentence, looking into the water around him.  ". . . Great Poseidon!  Piers, get out of the water!"

"What?"

"GET OUT, NOW!"

As Piers scrambled for the pier, the surface of the water where he'd just been erupted.  All he saw were teeth, lots of sharp, pointy, teeth, and stripes, lots of green and blue stripes.

Enraged that it had missed its intended prey, the great blue-and-green-backed barracuda, as long as Chris was tall, snapped angrily at the nearest thing in sight after it plunged back down into the water.  A pair of yellow webbed feet, paddling idly above.

Piers stared in disbelief.  "POLLY!  NO!" he screamed in horror.

"MEDUSAE, ON ME!" commanded Chris, as he dove down into the water.


To be continued next week . . .