Poor George

The House of Lords is a jollier place than you might think. Baroness Stowell of Beeston is one of the leaders of the Conservative party in the House of Lords; and the Conservatives, in union with their coalition partners the Liberal Democrats, are pushing the same-sex marriage bill with the full support of the Labour party, making it all but certain that the bill will ultimately pass by an overwhelming majority.

Last month, in one of the first Lords debates on this bill and its effects on "traditional marriage," Baroness Stowell made a small quip about what might happen in the remote event that George Clooney were to marry her.  In subsequent debates, she and other noble lords have briefly returned to this little joke in making points during the course of debate. But on Monday, Baroness Stowell really gave George a workout:

She said: ‘As the law stands, if I was married to George Clooney and he was to have a sexual affair with, say, the noble Baroness, Lady Thornton [Labour leader in the Lords], that would be adultery. If I was married to George Clooney and Mr Clooney had sexual relations with the noble Lord, Lord Alli, that would not be adultery because he would not be able to do the sexual act which is very specifically defined in law. Should I wish to divorce Mr Clooney on those grounds, I would do so on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour.

Stowell added: ‘In future, if the noble Lord, Lord Alli, was to marry Mr Clooney, and Mr Clooney was to have an affair with me — and who would blame him in those circumstances? — that would be adultery and the noble Lord, Lord Alli, should he choose to, would be able to divorce Mr Clooney on those grounds.’

She then pointed out if Alli, an openly gay ally for same-sex marriage in the Lords, was married to Clooney and Clooney had an affair with the openly gay Lord Black of Brentwood (to which he gave a firm ‘Hear, hear!’), then Alli would be able to divorce Clooney on grounds of unreasonable behavior.

Finally, Stowell said: ‘We hope that all marriages, whether they are between a couple of opposite sexes or the same sex will continue, and that they will be faithful and remain happy and contented. If that is not the case, we believe that the existing provisions are perfectly adequate for divorce to take place.’

I'll bet that wherever in the world Clooney is right now, he must be feeling exhausted, and wondering why.

The noble lords continued their debate on the same-sex marriage bill today; click here to see the live coverage of the day's proceedings.