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Monday, August 27, 2012

Lubbock Prepares for Invasion by United Nations

Well boys, the state of the world, and of this great country in particular, is mighty grim, yes it is. But there's one bright spot amid the gloom: the great metropolis of Lubbock, Texas, will not be caught napping in the event that all the forces of evil are unleashed by Obama's re-election this fall. I know you all are as worried about that as I am.

County Judge Tom Head, who presides over the county commissioners' meetings, is asking residents to approve his proposed increase in property taxes to hire more deputies to defend the county on the day when those blue-bonneted U.N. storm troopers come rolling across the plains. Here he is, speaking on the local Fox News channel:

Judge Head says he was quoted out of context, but danged if he didn't make the same remarks earlier in the week in a discussion with local talk-radio host Jeff Klotzman. Here's a transcript in English, for those of you who don't comprende the Texan:
Judge Head: "As County Judge I am the emergency management coordinator. As emergency management coordinator I have to think about the very worst thing that can happen and prepare for that and hope and pray for the best, OK? And in this political climate and financial climate, what is the very worst thing that can happen right now? Obama gets back in the White House. No. God forbid."

Jeff Klotzman: "That's the political aspect of this."

Judge Head: "OK. What's going to happen. Now I'm going to tell you my opinion, OK. Obama has put executive orders and whatever other documents his minions have filed. And regardless of whether the Republicans take over the Senate, which I hope they do, he is going to make the United States Congress and he's going to make the Constitution irrelevant. He's got his czars in place that don't answer to anybody. He's got his documents in place. They're going to be irrelevant.

"He is going to do what he wants to do. Now what do you think he is going to try to do in this next term? One of the things, my opinion. One of the things is he's going to try to give the sovereignty of the United States away to the United Nations. What do you think the public is going to do when that happens? We are talking civil unrest, civil disobedience, possibly, possibly civil war, OK? Now what happens? What happens? Now I'm not talking just talking riots here and there. I'm talking Lexington, Concord, take up arms, get rid of the dictator. OK, what do you think he is going to do when that happens? He is going to call in the UN troops, personnel carriers, tanks and weapons."

Jeff Klotzman: "I hope you don't have like a crystal ball you're looking into."

Judge Head: "Hey I've got to look at the worst case scenario, OK. I don't want UN coming into Lubbock County, so I'm going to be standing in front of their personnel carriers and say, 'You're not coming in here.' And I've asked the Sheriff. I said, 'Are you going to back me on this?' And he said, 'Yeah, I'm going to back you.' Well, I don't want a bunch of rookies back there who have no training and little equipment. I want seasoned veteran people who are trained that have got equipment. And even then, you know we may have two or three hundred deputies facing maybe a thousand UN troops. We may have to call out the militia.

But not to be outdone, them slick-talking Noo Yawk reporters ran over and got a-holt of the head honcho of the Yoonited Nashuns and asst him what time the invashun was a-going down. Well, not the head man, eggzackly, but one-a his gang members. An' he said:
"It's absolutely ridiculous," said U.N. Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon's spokesman, Martin Nesirky, when asked if the United Nations had any plans to invade Texas.

He later added: "No one, not even the United Nations, would ever mess with Texas."

Hmmm.   Them names sounds mighty suspishus to me, don't they to you?  And oh wow, think about this - a Russian guy speaking for a Chinese dude.  Dadblamed if that don't sound like somethin' straight out of Revelations!  It all fits perfect, don't it?  The Great Beast and the Image of the Beast.  Whoa! 

Of course you fellas are probly thinkin' whut I'm thinkin' - he would say that, wouldn't he? Iffen they really wuz plannin' on a invashun. Whooee boys, hang on to your hats! No tellin' whut's a-gonna happen next.

Goddamn, I'm just proud as I can be that we got one good man in Lubbock a-lookin' out for Texas! Yessiree bob. You got to get up purty damn early in the mornin' to fool a Texan. I tell you what.


Tim said...

I like it when you do a comedy post, you couldn't make it up, LOL!

Davis said...

*shakes head* - no pun intended

Larry said...

Hmmm ... Lubbock voters must derive from the same gene pool as Michelle Bachmann's Wisconsin voters.

BadgerBear said...

Everybody knows that *no one* wants to go to Lubbock. Texas is safe.

Russ Manley said...

You are so right. Nobody in his right mind wants to go to Lubbock.

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