Southern Standard English

For the benefit of my overseas truckbuddies:  the South is more a state of mind than mere geography, and as such its boundaries are hotly debated in some quarters; but this map tells you all you really need to know.

What do you mean, slang?  It's all just pure-T English to me.




N. B. -- I'm sorry to have to inform you all, but despite its name and its long history as a repository of Southern culture, Southern Living is nowadays - like every other venerable institution, it seems - run by up-to-date but woefully uninformed children, quite a few of whom aren't even Southerners at all!  Hence, the magazine is no longer an infallible guide to things Southern, if it ever was.

Most terms are correctly defined and used here; some are a little off; and many were never peculiar to the South, but were (and are) widespread Americanisms. And a couple or three descend in unbroken line from the English of colonial times: e.g., reckon, meaning suppose or estimate, is still very much in daily use at all levels of British society. Isn't that right, Tim?   I stand corrected. 

I confess, I love to throw out reckon when I'm around hoity-toity oh-so-modern types, full of all the latest slang, just to fuck with their heads make them show their petty snobbery and ignorance.  And then I chuckle inside.

Piña Colada Icebox Pie

I do believe this lovely confection would be mighty cool and refreshing after supper on one of these hot summer nights. But though she gives good directions, you can tell this poor child has been livin' up Nawth too long: nobody down heyah says PEE-can. Either that, or she's gone and married a Yankee! Poor little thing. Bless her heart.

Oh well, it don't hurt the taste of the pie none, so give it a try, fellas.  Recipe here.  And of course, you can always just pick up a ready-made graham cracker pie crust at the store, instead of making your own.





P.S.--FYI, last night M.P., who is on a low-carb kick, surprised me with two big plates of steaming quesadillas garnished with diced tomatoes, and oh my goodness, were they good, stuffed with chicken bits and all the usual fixin's. He's purty good at whippin' out Tex-Mex dishes. But lo and behold, come to find out those soft, delicious tortillas were made with - can you believe this? - nothin' but plain old cauliflower, grated, boiled, mashed, spread, and baked to a golden brown. Well sir, you coulda knocked me over with a feather. But they sure were some kinda good - I tell you what.

The appetizer was squash-and-onion soup made with cream and a parmesan garnish - luscious. Also fresh-made guacamole in scooped-out avocado shells as a complement. Just an ordinary weeknight dinner here for the Pork Boys, as we unworthy sinners are somehow blessed to enjoy.

But what we had the night before was good enough to write home about - crisply sauteed swai fish fillets, each one as big as two hands put together, oh so good! We never had it before, but M.P. found it on sale and thought it worth a try, and boy is it ever - so thick, white, flakey, and scrumptious. You oughta try some yourselves, I 'spect you'll like it a lot, boys. Be sure to stir you up some tartar sauce to go with it (= mayo + sweet relish, too simple for words).

Sides were deep-fried Brussels sprouts, mmm-mmmm! And an utterly delightful new dish: butternut squash souffle, a sweet, earthy delight with an airy, festive texture like sweet potato souffle, and a mighty fine thing indeed to complement the two savory items. Corn muffins with butter rounded things out. Now that was a dinner fit for company, yessir.

(You do know what sweet potato souffle is, don't you?)

Sorry I have no pics to show you, but just wanted to share our humble cuisine with you, none of it expensive at all, and plenty to go around - maybe it will give y'all some ideas.

All About Grits

Grits are good, grits are fine. Grits are scrumptious any old time.
Grits are groovy, grits are great. Eat them up and lick the plate.

--Traditional Southern lullaby

For all you Yankee boys who don't know what's good, Southern Living's test kitchen director Robby Melvin stopped by the Blue Truck today to give you a quick lesson in fine dining.




And all you peckerwoods wearing out your intertubes a-worrying about climate change should be glad to hear that grits are eco-friendly:  they can be made with nothing more than rocks and water.  I'm telling you the Gospel truth!  Just looky here at this little fillum, and you might learn something:




What's that you ask? You say you want to know more about the goodness of grits? Well, then, go read "Why Southerners Must Know Their Grits" over at the Southern Living website.  That will tell you all you never knew you wanted to know about grits, and then some.  You might also be surprised to know that the Italian word for grits is polenta.  Well, almost.


But now listen to ol' Russ: you don't need to fool with all that high-falutin' history and technology and stuff.  (And do NOT even think about doing anything with lye - your grandma knew how, but the secret died with her.)  Just run yourself over to the store and grab you a round canister of quick 5-minute grits - any brand will do, and any color, too - yellow is prettier, but the standard white is just fine.

Now fellas, if you can boil water, you can make grits.  It's that doggone easy, I swear it is. Just follow the extremely simple directions on the package. In five minutes, if you have a lick of sense, you will have a steaming hot pot of perfect grits, and then you can commence to eating and enjoying one of God's greatest gifts to the South - and to the world.

Just add butter and black pepper, and ooooowheeeee! You got something good there, boys, for breakfast, dinner, supper, or midnight snack. Goes with anything and everything. Plumb delicious. You'll feel better and live longer, too. I tell you what.


What's that you say? You went to the store and they didn't have nary a box of grits to be found? Well sir, that's a mighty sad thing, yes indeed. And I feel just as sorry as I can for all you underprivileged folks living in the undeveloped world. I'll pray for you.

The preceding has been a public service announcement from Russ Manley and the Blue Truck Educational Trust.

Problems Only Southerners Understand

Some of this humorous video I can't relate to, but the very last line is the kicker. Wait for it.

For Southerners Only

I feel so sorry for the rest of y'all.  Really I do.




Yes, Hummingbird Cake.  You'll love it.

Tradition in the Kitchen

You have to learn Southern cooking from your grandmother, as shown in this video from Southern Living:




Here is the recipe for hot-water cornbread, which I'm sure is yummy. But it's just too easy to reach for a fifty-cent box of Jiffy mix, add an egg and a splash of milk, and throw a pan in the oven, from which it comes out perfect every time.

My own grandmother made a pan of cornbread nearly every day - it was their staple bread, made from scratch with white corn meal, but without sugar or other unnecessary additions.  I prefer the sweet, yellow Jiffy cornbread now, but I remember Grandma's with affection.

It's nice to see that Grandma Jackie is still going strong at 87, after six decades in her pretty kitchen in a ranch-style house. I plan to write a blog post soon about those houses, which were space-age modern in the fifties, and are now classics.

King Ranch Chicken Casserole

I always knew Southern Living had lots of recipes online, but I've recently discovered that they also have lots of short, helpful how-to videos.  Here's one that looks scrumptious, and we're going to make this soon.  See what you think, guys:




Printable recipe here.


P.S.: For all you non-Texans out there, the King Ranch, larger than the state of Rhode Island, is synonymous with vast size and megamillions.