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Saturday, June 21, 2014

Born This Way?

Dr. John Corvino, Chair of the Philosophy Department at Wayne State University in Detroit, with some provocative thoughts on the born-this-way question:




What I Say: Your Head Trucker has much respect for Dr. Corvino's brainpower, but it seems to me he approaches the issue much too academically here. Unlike some people I've known who claim they "just don't remember" their childhoods in any detail, my memories stretch back in one long, unbroken stream of consciousness to before my third birthday. Of course, some details have grown dim or passed beyond recovery as time has gone on, like the name of my fifth-grade teacher - but more significant ones are still quite clear in my mind. And I am here to tell you that I was most definitely a little gay boy by the time I was 4 years old, maybe even earlier, long before the least suspicion of sex had ever crossed my mind. It had nothing to do with sex - it had to do with how I thought and felt about the world, and about myself, and how I acted, all unconscious of straightness or gayness.

There is a gay nature - that's the best word I can think of to describe what I mean - a gay nature that is evident in most gay men (even though some of us have learned to keep it tamped down and tightly wrapped unless we are with very good friends) and in gay little boys too. And that nature was already going full blast in me by age 4, as I said: wanting a toy washing machine for my birthday, then a toy kitchen for the next one; playing dress-up with my mom's old skirts and slips, her makeup and jewelry; preferring to play jump rope with the girls instead of softball with the boys; or picking out clothes at the department store with my mom, and by some unbidden, untutored instinct recognizing that, oh yes the yellow shirt will look good with the brown shorts, and the pale blue shirt goes with the dark blue pants; all the while wishing I could have a pair of the frilly pink socks across the aisle in the girls' department; and on one particularly memorable occasion, looking up at the stars and making a wish that I would NOT grow up to be a man - like all those men I saw on TV, all the time getting into fistfights and gunfights, and generally being mean and violent and brutal.  What an awful thought!  I wanted no part of it.

Of course it wasn't until many years later that I was able to look back on all those attitudes and behaviors, and see them as precursors of my sexual orientation - but they were. I'm not a biologist or psychologist or geneticist, and I can't say for an absolute scientific certainty what the efficient cause of my gayness is or was - but regardless of the mechanism, it was already there in me at such a young age that it only seems right to say that I was born that way, and in fact I do believe that that gay nature is something that is inborn, regardless of how many genes are involved or what precise combinations of genes and environment and anything else that might have a bearing on it might be - I know it was all there in me and perfectly naturally expressed by me long before I had any clue about sexuality or gender roles or what was or wasn't socially acceptable.

(A side note: my dad died when I was in high school, so we never discussed the whole gay thing. But I was blessed to have a mom who was totally supportive when I came out to her at age 24, and we did talk about it sometimes. I even asked her why she and my dad let me do all those girly things - which I caught grief for from other little straight boys. Mama smiled and said she and my father just figured I was going through a "phase" and if left alone I would grow out of it eventually - I think that was Dr. Spock's advice she was going on. But I never thought to ask her if she saw any difference(s) in me as an infant, before I was up walking around and learning to talk. It would be very interesting to know - but there's no one now alive who can answer that question.)

This me has always been gay deep down inside, since the very beginnings of memory and consciousness. The philosophers and biologists and psychologists and all the rest can dice it up in their theories however they please, but not a word of all that changes the fact that my real self, my essence, my nature was what we call gay from the start, or at least from such an early point that it might as well be considered the start for all practical purposes. 

Most assuredly, I did not choose this nature, no more than I imagine any little straight boy has ever chosen his nature. It's just me. And always has been. The simple, pure, uncoerced truth that has always been in me - has always been me. Surely I'm not the only one who feels this way, am I fellas?


8 comments:

Stan said...

I agree with you Russ. As long as I can remember I was always attracted to the boys not girls. I acted pretty much the same as you did.
My Dad took a lot of 8mm movies and when I look at myself in them you can plainly see a little gay boy. My parents had to know too but they never said anything to me.

Anonymous said...

You nailed it!

saludos,
raulito

Tim said...

I know we disagree on this question Russ, but that was a beautiful personal statement, thanks for sharing it. And you said you couldn't write!

M. Pierre said...

i know its genetic, i don't even need to debate that and i wont bother. i know i was born this way.. and yet i chose to live as a straight man and raise a family for years.. i never lied to my Wife and we did the best we could, and raised a successful family.. but when the kids were grown.. well...
i wouldn't say it doesn't matter or i don't care because it does matter, and i do care.
i agree with many of his points except the main ones but i see this idea with younger people.. don't label me, it doesn't matter..etc. younger people who did not live in a world where they knew not of ANYONE like themselves, for so long, and when they figured out what they were... that they were REALLY the Queer that they had been called, harassed, and beaten in school for being. realized that IT is was a curse of God. they were an abomination. that the best they could ever be in this life was some pervert that hung to the edges of society, and the next life was surly eternity of damnation. i don't want anyone to feel this way ever again. and i thank God tearfully so often in prayer, that its over for me and hopefully for the young people coming up. but because of the past some of us "more mature" Gay men lived. i can't go with it doesn't matter, i don't know, or don't care. I'm glad some younger folks can feel more cavalier but i cannot.

Frank said...

Corvino is usually better than that, and I don't buy his examples (tendency to be violent, hair color, religion, speaking English). Kind of like apples and oranges.

Yes, there may be a whole slew of genes responsible for sexual attraction, orientation, gayness, sexuality. But, as you pointed out, there is more to it than sex and sexual attraction - the fact that most of us experienced being different in some way - different from other boys and I would say different from girls also. Not all of us had the same degree or intensity of gender role dysphoria (I won't say gender dysphoria as that may be more relevant to the transexual experience). I have said that little straight boys know a sissy when they see one - even though they might protest later on that they "never knew anyone gay".

As far as "does it matter", I say yes it does matter that we are "born that way", because the anti-gay forces keep insisting that they know more about us than we do, that they know we "choose" our sexuality and that therefore we are sinful and live lives of depravity and are not deserving of our rights to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Yes, they are wrong and wrong-headed and yes, IT DOES MAATTER.

I am curious, however about the perhaps "new breed" of gay men - those who look and act straight, who never played with a Barbie or had an Easy-Bake Oven, who like to play sports, join the marines, act aggressive, have bodies like a brick house and generally pass as straight. Maybe these types always existed but because it was easy for them to "pass" never came out; today, it is so much easier to be out, to come out to family and friends, to be public, that these men are out in greater numbers and more visible. Until recently the only visible gay men were those who had the more obvious gay traits from a young age. Those most likely to be "out" in years gone by were those who were never "in" - those who were more flamboyant, expressive, more "effeminate" (I hate that word).

So where are the guys who never experienced the kind of "differentness" that the sissy-boys did? Anyone?

Russ Manley said...

Appreciate all of you fellas, thanks much for the comments.

Frank, I'm like you - I just don't grok these super-butch guys who are gay, the football players and such. For me it was all a package deal, sissiness and gayness together. The latter didn't grieve me nearly as much as the former.

Davis said...

Very well states, Russ. I share much of your experience and have no doubt that I remain the person I was as a child. That makes me happy and gives me both confidence and hope.

Russ Manley said...

Appreciate ya, bro.

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