Bad Boys and Nice Guys

An intriguing interview with George Michael in the Guardian that includes his observations on his well-known reputation for sex, drugs, and rock and roll, so to speak:

"The handful of times a year it's bloody warm enough, I'll do it [go cruising]. I'll do it on a nice summer evening. Quite often there are campfires up there. It's a much nicer place to get some quick and honest sex than standing in a bar; E'd off your tits shouting at somebody and hoping they want the same thing as you do in bed. . . . "

Why does he like to cruise when he could get any man he wanted? He seems astonished by the question. "I do get anyone I want. But I like a bit of everything. I have friends up there, I have a laugh."

"There are things I need to resolve. . . .  it's great to know that at 46 I'm still very much a changing person. . . .  Most visible traces of self-loathing have gone. . . .  I'm surprised that I've survived my own dysfunction, really."

One thing you have to say about George:  at least he's honest.  Which is a lot more than I can say about a lot of men I've known.

And there is something to be said for living your life on your own terms, instead of being a perpetual slave to what other people think.  If you're not hurting someone else, well, it's your life to live, right?  And as long as you are willing to accept the consequences of what you do - then you're free to do whatever you want.  One of my mother's favorite sayings was, "Rules are made to be broken."  I guess that's where I get it from.

Although of course, a very wise man once said very much the same thing:  "The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath."  Which I take to mean, in essence, what my mother meant: 

It's good to follow the rules only so far as the rules are good for people; but following the rules is not the be-all and end-all of life.  If the rules squeeze the life out of you, or interfere unreasonably with people's right to the pursuit of happiness, well then, the rules should be ignored because they are bad rules.  That's not a license to cheat, steal, or kill, of course - just healthy, humane common sense.

So your Head Trucker, who is fiercely proud of his own independence and freedom, can appreciate and even admire George's brazenness to a certain extent.

Perhaps that's why it's the bad boys that everybody always wants, not the nice guys - and you fellas know what I'm talking about, don't you?  Perhaps at some subconscious level, people are drawn to that freedom, that self-confidence, that daring and courage to defy the rules - something not everyone possesses.  Despite what they may say, most people most of the time are pretty timid about coloring outside the lines.

Maybe the answer to this question I've debated in my mind over the years is that people are drawn to someone who has a certain quality, a reckless bravery, that they lack but wish they had.  Opposites attract, isn't that always the way?

Hell, even I can sense the slight tug of attraction there, the undertow in the vicinity of some bad boy types.  Although your Head Trucker has always had too much independence of his own and too much horse sense than to get seriously involved with someone who was seriously bad.  Middling bad has always been as much as I could stand.  Besides, I like peace and quiet when I come home at night, supper on the stove, light and warmth and security.  Not craziness.  Well, not too much, anyway.  We all get a little crazy now and then, don't we?  Grin.

I will tell you a funny story, and I mean funny-peculiar:  a while back I posted some pics in the Toolbox of a legendary porn star, the late Jon King, who was one of my favorites from way back.  While searching for pics, I came across a little bio of him, which included the fact that he once stole a Corvette, at the height of his porn fame, and spent a year in jail for that, something I'd never known.

And damned if the very next thought that popped into my groin head wasn't, Damn, he's hot.

Which is just simply and utterly stupidity.  I was really astonished at my own reaction.  And indeed, the next thought that followed that one by about half a second was, You dumb motherfucker, Jon, what a waste of your time and talent.  And the little bio noted that he never would talk much about his time in prison, which apparently was not any kind of fun at all.

But you know, lots of people never get to that second thought; and thereby hangs many a tale of woe for them and their admirers.  It's that thinking about, and weighing of, the consequences that separates the bad boys from the nice guys:  If you can't do the time, don't do the crime.  That good sense doesn't get you many dates; but at least you get to sleep in your own bed every night, which is no small blessing.

Back to George:  I'm like the interviewer, at first glance I'm truly astonished and puzzled that this breathtakingly handsome guy, world-famous rock star, filthy rich, idolized by millions, who can have any fucking man he wants just by nodding his head - why would he want to spend his free time cruising for anonymous sex in parks and toilets, and doing every kind of dope imaginable:  not a class act, but a lowlife one.  Not at all how your Head Trucker would envision living, if he had all that.  I'd still want to come home to supper on the stove, a faithful dog curled by the fire, and one good man in my bed.

But I guess that's just not what George wants, really, and who knows why; probably he doesn't really know, himself.  Well, it's not the kind of life that would ever satisfy me, but I can't judge him on all that.  Doesn't seem like he's hurting anyone but himself; and apparently, he's not hurting too bad at that, says his voice is better than ever, and he's working on a new album, moving his creativity into new, exciting directions.  Well, I hope all that works out well for him; if nothing else, he's certainly paid the price of publicity and criticism. 

And though he says it's all good now, he may well have other prices to pay down the road; I can tell you from what I see going on here in rural Texas, which is the meth lab capital of the nation, that the drug life is bad business in the long run, very bad for ordinary folks.  And a lot of people get hurt terribly by it: not only the users, but also their friends, relatives, spouses, and kids.  I think drugs really have ruined this country.  But some people seem to live a charmed life.

Truth is, I guess in the end, if we have any spirit to us at all, we all do what we want - and what we want is what we need, deep down inside somewhere.  Like the famous ending line of Some Like It Hot, which I just watched again last night:

Nobody's perfect.

Which reminds me of another great ending line:

Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.

That ain't me, baby.  Nor you either, I reckon.

Honk to Joe.My.God.

Today's Rant: "Just Say Yes"--the new "Just Say No"?

Human beings are so silly. So self-righteous, whether religious-minded or not. And so downright stupid about some things.

For the last twenty years or so, people have been giving me grief about my smoking. And getting ruder than hell all the time. Things have gotten to the point that nowadays, any stranger walking by feels no hesitation, no compunction, about telling me what I should or shouldn't do; as if they have some divine right to control my life and give me orders, out in the wide-open air.

Though God forbid I should do the same. Imagine what the reaction would be if I went around telling people, "You need to lose some weight," or "You shouldn't be eating that" or "That drink is bad for you." Or even, "Girlfriend, have you looked in the mirror lately? I wouldn't even think of wearing that if I were you . . . ." Just imagine!

Oh yeah, people are so quick now to dish out the criticism on the nasty smoker; but so very sensitive about themselves these days. For my part, I've stopped complimenting ladies on how they look, which in my Southern upbringing I learned was a polite and gallant thing to do. But no more.

A while back, I passed a colleague about my age in the hall at work one Friday; she was wearing red platform sandals, bright-orange highwater pants, and a yellow silk Hawaiian blouse with a vivid floral print. Truly an eye-popping combination, not something you could miss from a mile away. I thought it looked more like beachwear than professional wear, but it was Friday, after all, so as I passed her, I just smiled and said, "You look comfortable!" in what I thought was an admiring tone of voice.

Not five minutes later, as I retraced my route down the hall, she seemed to suddenly materialize out of nowhere and got up in my face, demanding "Say, was that supposed to be some kind of crack?!?" I should have said, "No honey, I stiffled what I really thought and gave you a compliment instead," but I let it go.

But as I said, there's a very rude, very sanctimonious, very intolerant spirit abroad when it comes to my favorite habit. Everybody just loves to throw the first stone, it seems. Yet at the very same time, all these precious people are guilty as sin . . . but in the fashionable ways.

Because it really all does come down to the fashion of the times; there are fashions in morality just as there are fashions in dress, speech, entertainment, cars, cuisine, and so forth.

The profound but overlooked truth is this: in the main, our idea of "right" and "wrong" all comes down to majority vote at a given time and place.

Oh, people will say--and they will argue the point all day long, in fact--that they are acting on eternal, unchanging principles, deeply rooted and unquestionably sacred. They may truly believe that; but much of the time, maybe most of the time, we are fooling ourselves.

Case in point: In the Bible, God says straight out, "I hate divorce." Jesus allowed it for only one reason, adultery; and to divorce and remarry for any other cause was to commit another adultery, He said. Google up the phrase "the divorce evil" and you will see that 100 years ago right now, it was considered a grievous sin by all the religious leaders of this country, and by much of the population. Yet when was the last time you heard a preacher going on at length about the sinfulness of it, not merely the unhappy effects? We all know plenty of Bible-believing, hallelujah Harrys and Harriets who have divorced, remarried, and are filling the pews every Sunday, living prosperous--and apparently God-blessed--middle-class, respectable lives, don't we?

Another case in point: Google up "the drink evil" or "temperance movement," and you will see much the same story. A hundred years ago right now, it was considered The Worst Thing In The World to sip so much as one cold beer on a hot afternoon. "Demon rum"; "Lemonade Lucy"; "lips that touch liquor will never touch mine"; am I the only one who remembers these quaint phrases from our history? Obviously so, because now you can't open a newspaper or magazine, turn on the TV, or drive down the street without being slammed in the eyes with big, lapel-grabbing ads telling you to drink, drink, drink our booze! Buy, buy, buy our beer! I don't watch much TV, but I'm told they are even advertising hard liquor on the tube now. And yet this was once considered to be such a huge, enormous evil that it threated to destroy the family, ruin the country, bring God's wrath down upon the world if left unchecked. (Sound familiar?)

I got nothing against alcohol, btw; I very much enjoy a cold one on a hot afternoon, I'm just making a point here.

And then of course, there's plain old fornication; a thing practically unmentionable in print a hundred years ago, but now considered extremely socially acceptable by every level of society; and yes indeed, even by our good, pious, Bible-thumping neighbors. What family in America today does not have at least one member, young or old, "living in sin" with a member of the opposite sex? What family has not had at least one out-of-wedlock pregnancy? What family does not have at least one "illegitimate child"--politically incorrect term now--to raise? Indeed, far from hiding them from public view, they show them off now; a thing unthinkable in our grandparents' time.

Oh but that's just all right, you know. Naw, don't bother me with that line about "fornicators . . . will not inherit the kingdom of God"; St. Paul wasn't talking about my family; it's okay. They're straight! They had a baby! Babies make everything all right! Get out of my face with that sin talk!

You see how people are. If I do it, well that's just fine then. If you do it, oh you are so bad bad bad bad BAD!

And I'm just talking about social mores in the United States in recent years. We could go on and on, surveying customs and ethics around the world in all ages of recorded history, and still find the same double standards, the same blatant hypocrisy, the same self-serving, slippery morality repeated endlessly. Priests, prophets, and philosophers notwithstanding, the approval of the majority--the fashion--in every time and place is the largest determiner of right and wrong. That's human nature, to approve one's own vices and condemn everybody else's; though of course, not very enlightened human nature.

So I keep puffing away on my Marlboros and let the naggers go by; for I know damn good and well they are not nearly as pure of heart as they want me to think they are. Not by a long shot. Whether it be in their marital and sexual relations, their diet and obsesity level, or their drug use. Yeah, their drug use. According to a report by the Cato Institute, "Towards a Culture of Responsible Psychoactive Drug Use", emphasis mine:

Psychoactive drugs are everywhere. Any discussion of drug use needs to take this into account. The broad category of “psychoactive drugs” consists of natural and synthetic substances that alter a person’s thoughts or feelings. There exist hundreds of plants, which, if eaten, smoked, snorted, or injected, will affect the mind—whether acting as a stimulant, depressant, or psychedelic. Thousands of known chemicals will do the same. Used recreationally, medicinally, or for work, some are illegal and others not: They include coffee, wine, and tobacco; prescription pain medications, sleep aids, and antidepressants; as well as cannabis, LSD, and heroin. Psychoactives are in the kitchen, in the hardware store, in the greenhouse, in home medicine cabinets, and in fuel tanks across the country.

Everyone uses them. Would you believe that nearly 90% of 45-year-olds in the United States have tried an illegal drug in their lifetime? As of 2006, more than 35 million Americans had taken an illicit drug in the previous year. Monitoring the Future (MTF), the best current survey about illegal drug use in the United States, reports that one in five college students used an illicit drug in the past month. Nearly all adults in the U.S. have tried alcohol, while over 80% use caffeine daily. Last year there were over 180 million prescriptions written for opiates alone, and a diverse assortment of psychoactives are increasingly used by older Americans from coast to coast.

They are not going away. Humans have used psychoactive substances for as long as we have records and some of the largest corporations in the world are actively developing new ones for the future. There is no magic bullet that will suddenly make these compounds disappear from our society. If there were, the past century of ever-increasing penalties for possession and sale of recreationally used drugs, along with massive anti-drug “education” campaigns, would have reduced use. But they have not.

This Cato Institute is a libertarian think tank. Libertarianism doesn't appeal much to me; seems terribly naive about letting everybody do their thing with no intervention from government, but that just does not work well: can you say Enron? But when it comes to personal habits, I would say they seem to agree with me that in the absence of clear, direct, immediate harm to others, we all should stop throwing stones and just live and let live.

Life is short, terribly short. You'd damn well better enjoy it while you have it.

If my enjoyment doesn't interefere with yours to any significant degree, who are you to stop me from the pursuit of my own happiness? If I want to climb Mt. Everest, swim with sharks, wear a kilt, or smoke a Marlboro, what is that to you? As long as I pull my weight, pay my bills, and swim at my own risk . . . ?

Russ predicts: within the next 10 years, probably, and certainly within the next 20, marijuana will be legalized in this country. That's just the way things are going.

Check out this article, "Alcohol 'is more dangerous than ecstacy'"; and this one, "Scientists want new drug rankings." The infamous "studies show"--which is always so convenient for any argument, because as every scientist knows, studies can be made to prove any point you want to make--studies show that "alcohol and tobacco are more dangerous than ecstasy and marijuana."

So you see which way the wind is blowing. Which brings me no particular comfort, not being a druggie. (Yeah, like everybody else under 60 in this country except Bill Clinton, I inhaled; but beer was better, cheaper, and legal, so why bother?) The whole pot culture is alien to me. But then, as a young man of my acquaintance asked me recently, "When's the last time you heard of someone smoking marijuana and then going out and causing a fatal car wreck?" I had to admit I couldn't remember ever hearing of such a thing. Which of course we can't say for alcohol, but as far as I can tell, nobody, nobody at all, is campaigning to eliminate beer and booze!

While just a century ago it was so important to eradicate alcohol, the temperance Tillies kept on and on until they actually changed the Constitution of the United States--the Eighteenth Amendment. Which of course was a stupid damn thing to do, and a spectacular failure. (Except for bigtime bootleggers like Papa Joe Kennedy--did you never stop to wonder where the Kennedy millions came from? Look it up. His sons made better use of the family fortune, though.)

From caffein to cocaine, people are always going to use one drug or another; better to keep this human flaw, if flaw it is, within the bounds of tolerant moderation than to try to eliminate it altogether--because human nature does not change. The more you forbid something, the more people want it. Something the righteous among us just don't understand or won't admit. Especially about themselves.

Righteousness, as commonly practiced, is a very ugly thing.

I don't know about the other currently illicit drugs, but legal marijuana is definitely coming, I see that. Oh but my tobacco is The Worst Thing In The World. Right.

I remember going to parties in my college days where people actually had "Thank You For Not Smoking" signs stuck all around the house . . . oh but how the virtuous householders beamed with anticipatory delight when the joints started being passed around!

I've been friends with enthusiastic cigar smokers who waxed eloquent about the joys of a fine Maduro, but could barely restrain their sneering contempt for my humble Marlboros.

What I like is a Good Thing. What you like is Bad, Bad, Bad.

You see how people are?