Hold Me? - A Nivanfield Story from Tim

A guest post by my truckbuddy Tim from England, now resident in Spain.

Hello again, dear reader!

You may have wondered, whilst idling away some passing moment during the last two years, 'Whatever became of that guy Tim who used to write the occasional pieces for the Blue Truck?' (You did, didn't you? Do say yes!)

Well, long story short, back in 2015 the winter blahs turned into the summer blehs and I entered a bout of depression. Then I discovered a fan fiction genre called 'Nivanfield' and it pulled me out of the hole.

I did my research, made contact with some writers of the genre whose work I admired, and posted my first 'short' in August 2015. Since I have Russ and the Blue Truck to thank for giving me those first opportunities to try out and develop my writing skills, I've been very keen to post some of my tales here by way of thanks and to re-establish my connection with Russ's magnificent organ.

However, as many of my stories are, ahem, too descriptive for Russ's tender and sensitive nature, finding suitable ones has been a bit of a problem. But this one "Hold me?" has met his stringent editorial standards. I've added some notes at the end to explain more what 'Nivanfield' is, but I hope the tale stands alone as a simple love story. Let Russ know what you think, perhaps there will be others!

 'Together 2' courtesy of rwandew @deviantart.com

Hold Me?

Normally it was Chris who ended up holding Piers most nights in bed. Piers didn't suffer the cold very well, never had. Too many sniping ops where you couldn't move, couldn't generate enough body heat. Only the brain remaining active, calculating the windage, distance, checking the cover, scanning for the mark, telling the rest of his tired, aching muscles not to shiver. He was never sure whether his sniping skills gave rise to his ability to think ten steps ahead, or that that skill made him the best sniper in the BSAA. Both qualities had become so natural to him that their precise origin was now blurred. When he was on his own, Piers' idea of bliss was to have both the electric under-blanket and the top-blanket on. But true heaven for Piers was when Chris climbed into the bed and warmed it up before he got in. Claire had always said the 'ol bear had a built-in furnace, and it had been one of the first things Piers had noticed about his Captain all those years ago, when he first met him and fell hopelessly in love.

So when Chris said to Piers "Hold me?" when he got into bed, Piers knew it wasn't because Chris was cold. Something was up, something was wrong. The slight frown on the rugged face, the downcast brown eyes; all signalled problems ahead. But the words . . . the two simple words . . . said it all. Chris didn't want a warming cuddle, or a moment of quiet foreplay before the act of making love. He wanted reassurance, friendship, support, confidence. He wanted, no he needed, to be loved. Like the little boy who'd fallen of his bike and grazed his knee, like the young man who'd lost both his parents, like the brother who'd held his sister tight as they stood together by the graveside, like the soldier who'd lost so many, many friends and comrades.

Piers knew by now that it was better not to ask for a reason. Early on in their relationship he had, when Chris had become silent, or moody. When, unaccountably, he'd burst into tears. He'd asked because he wanted to stop the pain, stop the hurt. And not just Chris'. It tore the heart out of Piers as well. To see his Captain bought low in Piers' eyes meant he hadn't done his job, hadn't prevented the incoming. Now, he knew that had been a naive expectation, that some things were not preventable, or even explicable. It was Chris' nature to 'suck it up', to keep a lid on his inner thoughts and emotions, least they suddenly rose up and overwhelmed him. Over time, as their partnership matured and strengthened, Piers had grown to realise this. You couldn't ask for explanations, not when they weren't even fully understood by the person suffering. Or, more likely, when they didn't want to talk about them. No, Piers had learnt to be supportive, not inquisitive. To be a carer rather than a confessor. Chris would eventually explain if he chose to, though more often than not he didn't. Piers drew some comfort from the fact that such episodes became less frequent as their relationship developed, but they never completely went away.

So "Hold me?" meant all of that and more, a whole luggage-train of emotional baggage. And so that's exactly what Piers did. But being Piers Nivans, he did it with a lot more thought and attention to detail than many would have done. When Chris warmed Piers up, it was a very physical experience. His large arms would surround his partner protectively, his thick legs would entwine themselves around Piers' own. The broad chest and muscled abdomen would radiate and transfer their own inherent heat to Piers' slighter frame. It was an act of enveloping, of wrapping, the physical embodiment of the laws of physics, of thermal dynamics, of energy loss and conservation, of friction and radiation. But on the occasions when Piers reciprocated, it was a more cerebral exercise. It had to be of course, Piers' comparatively slim body couldn't compete with that of his lover's. It was all in the technique. Yes, Piers would put his arms around Chris, as far as they could reach! And he could wrap one of Chris' legs at a time with his own, but it hardly impacted the bear's physical state.

But it was the touch, the tactile nature of Piers's 'hold' that went far beyond the mere surface of his lover's body. It penetrated and soothed Chris' very soul. Piers didn't hold with a hand. It was his fingertips that caressed and softly trailed over Chris' scarred skin. Brushing, stroking, sometimes even teasing. They criss-crossed the rugged terrain underneath them, never staying long, but equally never missing a spot. Sometimes they wouldn't actually touch Chris' skin at all, but float through the brown hairs on his arms, his chest, his groin. Piers' toes too, seemed adept at moving lovingly along a thigh, a calf muscle, the buttocks. Chris never knew what part of his body would be aroused the next, what sensation would follow gloriously on from the last. And in that very act of anticipation, of expectation, those feelings of love and wonder, would also come forgetfulness, of a deadening of the pain and torment, an easing of the taut heart-strings.

It was to Chris' chagrin that he rarely stayed awake long enough to thank Piers. The sniper could tell from the steady, regular breathing, the relaxation of the tension in the hard-muscled body, that his 'hold' was having the desired effect on his Captain. He didn't need the verbal thanks, or seek confirmation of a job well done. To see Chris at peace, content once more in himself, that was all that Piers ever wanted to witness. But sometimes, in the drowsy torpor that comes just before sleep, Chris would smile, the frown would disappear from that handsome face, and the sad brown eyes would suddenly lighten and sparkle.

"Thank you my love, for holding me. Please, don't ever let go."


Author's notes after the jump:

Whilst under the weather, my tales from sunny Spain became an early, and entirely innocent, casualty. I spent a lot of time surfing the net during that period, seeking I know not what. But perhaps 'it' found me, because one thing I stumbled upon was something called 'Nivanfield'. Imagery at first, of two handsome, and apparently gay, soldiers. Later I discovered various stories and tales written by fans about these two characters, Piers Nivans and Chris Redfield, hence the generic, Nivanfield. They originated in, of all things, a hugely popular zombie-killing video game called Resident Evil.

Now video games of any description, let alone horror-based ones, are something that were, and still are, totally outside my experience. But this pair had captured my imagination, and my heart. So of course, being a former analyst, I did some research.

In the video game, Captain Chris Redfield and Lieutenant Piers Nivans are partners on the battlefield in a global war against terrorists using bio-organic weapons. They both belong to a UN controlled organisation, the Bioterrorism Security Assessment Alliance, of which Chris was a founder. There is an unspoken bond, a chemistry, in the cut-scenes of the movie-like game. Nothing overt, and, sadly, in the end, Piers makes the final sacrifice to save his Captain, although his death is not witnessed.

The Nivanfield fandom conjectures on their relationship up to this point, and for some writers, myself included, it also forms the starting point of an ongoing story where Piers survives and is later reunited with his Captain to carry on the fight and their developing relationship.

Chris, brooding, often taciturn, is the elder of the two, and a natural born leader. The inspirational point man and Captain of 'Alpha Team', his military family. Battle-hardened but also battle-weary; he has suffered bouts of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Post Traumatic Amnesia due to his experiences in combat. He is damaged goods; but his idealistic and brash No. 2, Piers, realises that he is also the key to inspiring others and maintaining the cause of the world-wide fight against bioterrorism. By serving and caring for his Captain, both militarily on the front-line, and emotionally at home; Alpha Team's Ace sniper knows he also serves the cause. Over time, Piers draws out the humanity and humour hidden under Chris' sombre exterior, and Chris finds that elusive someone we all look for . . . someone to love.

Tim