Your Questions Answered

Your Head Trucker answers questions from readers.

Dear Russ,

You seem like a smart man, I thought maybe you can help me with a big problem I’m having.  I’m 32 and never had a longterm relationship before but a few months ago I met this really HOT guy at a party and well, we fell for each other in a big way and are ready to move in together.  Trouble is, there’s an allergy problem. I have a 12-year-old schnauzer who sleeps on my bed at night.  Every time my boyfriend comes to my place, he starts sneezing uncontrollably and it ruins the evening for us.  Otherwise, we seem to be a perfect match. But what can I do?  I don’t want to give away my dog, but I don’t want to lose this chance at a great LTR either.

Perplexed in Pensacola

Dear Perplexed:  That’s easy.  Take the dog to a vet and get him treated for that allergy.  Or fix up a separate bedroom you can “match up” in without Fido spoiling the mood.  Good luck!

Dear Good Friend Manley:

Your excellence writings has come to attention off we the Commisars of the Poeple’s Revolutionary Front of Kukudada.  We thank you also have welfare of common pioples at heart being because you drive simple truck not big fat limazin like greedy capitalist pigs runing you govertment and rapping all pimples of the world for filthy gold and oil to.  We like enlist your aide promote peace freedom also true equality for all poepels of world so we ask you print are manifesto on your widerange blog 168 pages plus full referenses of all great freedom loving riters like yourself from vast ages of world and elsewhere.  You will do this without asking miserable fee for publication yes?  And consider kind donation from your heavy Amrican pockekt to support struggle of sad starving soldier poeples fighting good cause yes?  PS, gay OK with us we no discramate against all oppress good pippels like yourselve long is you preform nice in sicret not like cursed dogs in strit.

Grateful Comrade X

Dear X:  Sorry, bud, I gave at the office, and my own revolutionary coffers are empty.  Try hitting up Bernie Sanders.  I hear he’s loaded with dough.

Dear Mr. Manley:

I am a normal man who just happened to come across your blog, which seems to be of a homosexual orientation.  In fact, I seem to be finding homosexual type blogs more and more lately, and this upsets me because I am totally normal and always have been, and I am truly happy with that.  But I keep thinking about the homosexual lifestyle and wonder if I might be turning homosexual myself.  I assume you are a practicing homosexual yourself so I just want to ask your honest opinion:  does painful, degrading sex with another man really make you happy?

Wondering in Walla Walla

Dear Wondering:  No, but that’s not my scene.  Your mileage may vary, though.

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FLASH: I don't mean to brag, but your Head Trucker's advice just might be listened to in high places:

Biden Picks Kamala Harris as Running Mate

Obama Says "Joe Biden Nailed This Decision"

Way to go, Joe!  The beer's on me next time we meet up.