M.P. and I are 2 down and 2 to go: we had all the kids and kiddos over for Yule Dinner on Sunday the 22nd, and then after we recuperated from that feast, had our own Christmas Dinner on Sunday the 29th - which about did us in. Now we are hoping to have a New Year's dinner tomorrow, and next week a Kings Day dinner if we are able. No pics yet because M.P.'s so-called smart phone is on strike; maybe next week I'll have some photos to blog.
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The quiet days at the end of the year have always been a time of retreat and reflection for me. This year, it seems the end of an era, not just another year -- for reasons obvious to all my truckbuddies, I'm sure. This is the calm before the storm.
Well, leaving out all the boring details, of no interest to anyone but me - and even I'm tired of hearing the story - I have somehow lived through many years of light and shadow, joys and sorrows, to be a very old man. Human life is always a mixed bag - win, lose, or draw, you have to play the hand you are dealt, and do the best you can. Have fun, but don't be a prick. Do your part, don't leave a mess, and mind your own damn business.
The world has been in a parlous state all my adult life, what with wars and rumors of wars, crisis upon crisis, rebellion here, revolt there, and no end of foolishness among the peoples and leaders of the world. And yet, at some points there has been greater hope for the future than seems apparent just now.
Here at the beginning of my eighth decade, it is poignant to look back at myself at the dawn of manhood, and remember what it felt like, what I thought, what I hoped. How strange to say that I can even show you what I looked like fifty years ago: is that callow fellow really Me?
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| All grown up and still unkissed: Russ in Jackson Square, New Orleans, 1974 |
It would have broken my heart to know then the cruel twists and turns that lay ahead in the road of life. But they say that suffering develops faith and character. If nothing else, it certainly turns your hair gray.
That's it. That's the wisdom of the world, in a nutshell. Take it or leave it. There are other, spiritual truths worth knowing as well, but you have to find those on your own.
When I was a kid, I used to think it would be a fine thing one day to be old and wise. Well, in a way it is somewhat satisfying to finally have seen through the world and all its illusions - to see things and people as they really are, not just what you imagine them to be.
But at this late age, it doesn't do you much good. Your body and your finances (unless you are exceptionally lucky) don't allow you to do much with all that wisdom. And nobody wants to hear what an old man has to say. So you just keep it to yourself, mainly.
There are many things I've wanted to say these last few years about recent developments in the world and in this country in particular. But what good would it do? When the herd decides to stampede, you can risk your neck trying to stop them, or you can stay out of the way and just let them run on till they get tired of running. Thank God it's not my job to fix the world. Even He has his hands full with that chore, I suppose.
When you have lived into old age, you can feel the rhythm of time passing: a river always flowing, a cycle of stars always revolving above our heads and the earth rotating under our feet. Empires rise and fall; war alternates with peace; wisdom and folly, love and hate, poverty and plenty, life and death - the wheel keeps on turning, endlessly, regardless of our petty wants here on this little rock in the vast depth of the cosmos.
A rather frightening picture, if we are not in sync with the Love that moves the sun and other stars, as Dante put it. And that Love is closer than breathing, nearer than hands and feet - if you are willing to believe.
We can't be sure what 2025 holds in store for us; but no matter what comes or goes, we can each be true to the goodness within us, and do small things with great love. So here's wishing all my truckbuddies health, wealth, and happiness in the New Year and in all the years to come. God bless.
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